The M word

beautywalk Sandra Butel coaching menopause self-care self-love women coach hormones estrogen progesterone serotonin SSRI midlife menopocalypse — *Take care of yours ...* Photo by Sandra Butel

I am Sandra Butel and this is my beautywalk.

beautywalk is an internal and external process of learning to walk softly and with kindness and focus on whatever terrain happens to be opening up in front of me.

Female focused

In a busy cafe on the funkiest strip of Le Plateau Mont Royal, the female focused music reverberating off the light pink intermixed with exposed red brick of the walls, I settle down to write. After getting distracted with some Black Friday screaming deals and letting myself be tempted by a bread based concoction that my stomach will surely react to later on, I put my mind to the task of expressing some of my thoughts and feelings on the hush of ‘awe and awkward’ that is menopause.

Is it? Is it?

I know it is the algorithm picking up on what I am putting down but lately I have been seeing my fair share of signs that this has become a hot topic (pun intended) and that I should join the crowd and share my own take. Just today I was treated to a reel of the sketch comedy troupe Baroness Von Sketch’s take on it, sound off as I listened to Pema Chodron words from her book, "When Things Fall Apart,” the words, “Maybe it’s perimenopause?”, accompanied by an awkward laugh and a whole lot of denial. This was followed by repeated looks of shock on the middle aged cast member’s faces and the repeated closed captioned question, “Is it? Is it?”, as if this was one of the world’s biggest mysteries instead of something that the majority of humans born into a body with female genitals and reproductive systems will go through at some point in their lives.

Western ways

The part of the sketch where the clearly perimenopausal character is describing the textbook symptoms of the decrease in estrogen and progesterone that occur for biologically born women somewhere between 40 and 60 brings it all flooding back to me. The doctor’s complete lack of knowledge about this essential human experience that impacts ½ of the human population and his complete lack of shame or apology about it brings me back to the series of doctor’s offices I visited in vain for relief and assistance when my own perimenopausal shift started about 8 years back. Never one to give up and, as one of my previous doctors had stated, “Not a frequent flier,” when it came to the world of Western medicine, I reached out to see what the world of alternative healing had to offer me.

Keeping mum about it

After spending much time, energy and money in establishing my new normal and supported by various supplements, bio-identical progesterone and desiccated beef thyroid to support my slow functioning thyroid gland, I found myself in relative balance once again. At no time in all this did I share what I had learned with my colleagues and friends, having gotten the sense that my ‘condition’ was somehow shameful and not to be talked about in polite company. I was lucky enough to have found a naturopathic doctor who was well versed in the ins and outs of perimenopause and her patience and dedicated service were complete game changers in helping me address the physical and emotional symptoms that had shoved the ugly signs of aging right up into the ever more wrinkled lines on my face.

Breakdown Breakthrough

There was a point in time that I have referred to previously in this blog as my period of ‘Breakdown Breakthrough’, where all the sustained efforts I was making to treat my hormonal imbalance with relatively natural methods was just not doing the trick for me anymore. I ended up in my naturopath’s office, the lines under my eyes and the hunching forward of my shoulders causing her to exclaim, a deep sense of alarm in her voice, “Oh, Sandra, what we are doing is no longer working. It is time to get you on something stronger.” She wrote the name of the SSRI medication she recommended and even gave me the name of a doctor that she had heard might be willing to prescribe it for me without too many questions, as despite her years of extensive study and practice, the medical system just wouldn’t trust her to prescribe any kind of allopathic medicine for her much loved clients. How frustrating for her that she had to figure out backroom ways to match up her patients with the, in some cases and most certainly in mine, life saving medications that they so desperately needed.

Ill fitting cocoon

My counsellor confirmed this recommendation when I showed up at her office the next day, shaking from the noises and motion of the other humans as I waited, curled over into myself as if inside an ill fitting cocoon, for her to come and call me for my appointment. The look in her eyes was enough for me to know that my state of mind was written all over my face and that she would do whatever she could to assist me. I wanted to crawl out of my skin, shedding the itch and scratch that was running all up and down my now foreign body from head to toe, and would have done whatever she suggested to go back to feeling “normal” once again.

Adding my voice

I am not an expert in perimenopause, nor is it my intention to dive deeply into the lowest point of my personal experience with it. My intention here is to add my voice to the chorus; to open the door to further conversation; to bring a little less loneliness to the experience that one or another of you might be having at this very moment. I understand now, years later, how the interaction of hormones such as estrogen, progesterone, cortisol, serotonin, oxytocin and thyroid caused such an upheaval in how I experienced my body and my mind and resulted in a dramatic shift in how I experienced and related to the world around me. It is only recently that I have been able to find readily available resources of teachers and writers and medical professionals who are ready to delve into this rather complicated and yet, full of potential, time in a woman’s life.

The Promise

It is at this point in my writing that the chorus of one of my old time favourite Olivia Newton John songs, “The Promise” comes to me, with the essential addition of (wo),

“If I can make one (wo)man aware, one person care
Then I'll have done what I promised you.”

I am motivated to speak about my experiences with menopause in the hopes that it will encourage even one other person to speak about what they are experiencing. I have found some great resources, including Amanda Thebe’s well written and deeply researched book, “Menopocalypse,” in which she outlines 4 important steps in finding some balance in this time of hormonal upheaval. Her Menopause Toolkit is made up of 4 hacks: 1. How to eat, 2. How to move, 3. How to destress. 4. How to think. I won’t go into a ton of detail here except to say that each of these areas can make an immense difference in how we relate to the changes that come to us in midlife.

(M)powered

With a sense of purpose, some knowledge and a focus on menopause as a very natural and enriching part of our lives, we can turn this often named, “Midlife Crisis,” into a stepping stone to a more empowered time in our lives. A time where we take our focus away from making sure everyone else has their oxygen masks on just right and we turn our attention back to ourselves and to all that would serve us in our own growth and development. In Amanda’s words, and in my personal experience, menopause can be a time of power:

“My experience shows me that this is a powerful time in a woman’s life, and we need to harness its potential. I have found strength from the struggles I’ve overcome to get to this place, and I am grateful for what my body and mind can handle - that they are so resilient. This strength has transferred over to other aspects of my life, and I feel more empowered than ever to put myself first and strive for personal success. “
“Going through menopause also gives us the power to care less about what people think of us.”
Amanda Thebe “Menopocalpyse”

Menopause Coach?

My mind goes back to pop culture once again and the laugh of disbelief of “Bad Sisters” character, Angelica Collins, when she is introduced to the eldest sister Eva’s menopause coach. “Menopause coach?,” she doubles over in delighted laughter, “Is that real?”

I wondered then inside my mind and now I put these questions upon the page,

How would my experience of menopause have been impacted if there had been such a thing as a menopause coach in my life?
What would have been possible if I had been able to accept that the changes I sensed in my body and mind were not only real but were normal?
What if I had been more able to focus my care and attention towards myself for a change as I embraced the deepest potential that this introduction to the 2nd half of life had to offer to me?

Ready, willing and able

I can't go back in time to answer these questions for myself but from where I stand now I can share with you how much there is to gain from talking to other women, teachers and health care professionals about what you are going through.

I am ready, willing and able to be there with you on your journey.

I am Sandra Butel and this is my beautywalk. What’s yours?

Resources for Further Study and Personal Growth

Amanda Thebe’s book “Menopocalypse” comes complete with a whole fitness, diet, mental fitness and de-stressing program. I highly recommend checking her out for a whole bunch of valuable resources no matter where you are on your menopausal journey.
For more from the inimitable Pema Chodron you can check out her foundation or find her dharma talks and books on your favourite online library.
My dear friend, yoga teacher and coach Fiji McAlpine has a new program that is focusing on Mindfulness in Menopause. The first cohort started on November 3 and I share the link as a bookmark for future sessions.
My offering as Coach Sandra is to be there with you as you make your way through your own aging journey, one step at a time. With my deepest gratitude for the power of coaching to bring more joy to both coach and coachee, I am thankful to be able to offer you an hour long free beautywalk session.
My Positive Intelligence based program From Worry to Worthy offers you an opportunity to move yourself from being ruled by the lizard brain to being guided by the wizard brain. Check out the full program details and book your first free session with me to get started. Friends and Family discount applied to all newsletter subscribers and your friends and family too! I am open to creative barter offers as part of my dedication to the advancement of the moneyless share economy.
If you are interested in signing up for TrustedHouseSitters you can get a 25% discount (as well as pass on 2 free months of membership to me in the process).

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