Balancing Act
Some Professor’s house Photo by Sandra Butel
I am Sandra Butel and this is my beautywalk.
beautywalk is an adventure
it is a way of living life, full of wonder, full of choice, full of freedom, full of love, full of limitless potential and possibilities.
Princeton, New Jersey, August 11th, 2024
A whole mixture of ideas have been circulating through my synapses over the last 6 days since my teary plane ride from Montreal landed me in Princeton, New Jersey for a 10 day house sit. My companion is a 14 year old midnight black Maine Coon named Heart who, it turns out, is not nearly as standoffish as her owners warned me she would be. She is curled up next to my left leg as I write this, her purrs drifting in and out of my conscious awareness.
Princeton, as in Princeton University, is a leafy town where higher learning and liberal ideas walk hand in hand down the storybook cobblestone streets with their mix of neo-gothic and colonial style buildings. It’s just a short train ride away from the bustle of New York City and in a few hours one could travel from here to find themselves in such places as Philadelphia, Boston or Washington DC. Princeton is my palette cleanser of sorts between the exciting energy of time spent in Montreal with my son Nico and the unease of returning to Regina, where I will be facing some difficult goodbyes.
Sitting quietly under a tree at Princeton U Photo by Sandra Butel
Off Balance
I have been thinking alot about balance these days; of the neverending human need to engage in practices that bring us back to the middle way. The middle way is a Buddhist-based concept that offers us, like Goldilocks herself, a way to find the ‘just rightness’ in our lives. It is my recent sense of being out of balance that has earned this topic a spot of honour in this edition of my beautywalk blog.
At times I find myself mired in the heaviness of negative thinking; the ‘shoulds’ and the ‘should not haves’ and the ‘nothing matters’ and the ‘what is the point?’ All these familiar sound bites are having their way with me once again. The amygdala and its dedication to keeping me “safe” from the many dangers of the world around me is doing its best to convince me that I, and everyone I love, are in grave danger and there is not a damn thing I can do about it.
You don’t get to be 56 years old without sadness and doubt planting its flag on the surface of your mooning heart once in a while. It does, nonetheless, take me by surprise once again as I find myself so quickly and deeply wrapped up in the idea that this sense of hopelessness is the true nature of human life and that this time it is going to last forever. As this energy invades my being, I feel a pang of nausea in the space between my heart and the all-knowing nature of my gut. After all I have learned on my beautywalk so far, I can't help but be disappointed to find myself once again in this place of discomfort.
I’ll skip the description of what I do to try to avoid what I am feeling and jump right into the moments that suggest to me that there is another way to be with, and process through, this lack of equilibrium in my energy and outlook.
On and Off the Balance Beam
There is a brief glance at “the greatest gymnast of all time”, Simon Biles and her qualifying trials on the balance beam at the Paris Olympics. I get a quick image of this power house and without knowing anything about her I see her efforts to stay balanced on this tiny 10 cm wide piece of wood floating high above the ground. In an instant, I understand her hours of training and single minded dedication to this impossible sport. Watching her flip and turn and glide, my heart rises up in my throat. I feel myself holding my breath for fear that her next move will be a misstep that will send her tumbling down to the mat below, hopes dashed.
The inspiration I take from this is that I too have my training that can keep me focused on keeping myself balanced. All I need to do now is to return to the metaphorical balance beam by focusing my attention on the in and out of my ever present breath, or the sensation of my feet on the floor, or the sound of the wind blowing through the green leafy canopy around my current home.
Rise Again
And even the greatest athletes falter. Simone is no exception and her hopes of standing on the medal podium in the balance beam competition are dashed when she falls off. As the true champion that she is, she is able to pick herself up off the floor, reset her focus and skill and get back up on the beam and, as the quote under a youtube video of her performance states, “finish strong.” Whether we are regular humans, or Olympic powerhouses, whenever we get out of balance, we can always reset and as my meditation mantra states; “begin again”. Simone serves as a role model to me to continue to follow the mantra of Maya Angelou to “rise again”, powerful and strong and focused on doing the job that I have been put on this earth to do.
Looking out from in … Photo by Sandra Butel
Playing with Balance
I am reminded to “begin again” during my gentle vinyasa class with Gemma Farrell, founder and guiding teacher of Gratitude Yoga, here in Princeton. She starts off the class by inviting us to focus on balance for the duration of our practice time together. Talk about cosmic coincidence!
Her guidance as she instructs me and my fellow yogis to bend our right knees and raise and turn our left knees onto our ankles or onto the inside of our opposite thighs, is that “Balance is a process. Let it happen. Don’t hold on too tight or try too hard. Just let yourselves be with the process of playing with balance, moment to moment.”
Ah, there it is again. This sense that balance is a process; that I am never going to arrive in that perfect place of balance. I am going to continue on this journey, searching for that place where my energy will stabilize momentarily for the time it takes for my eyes to blink or my inner judge to tell me that I am going to fall. That place where I am absolutely present with the balancing act of being in the moment.
At the end of the yoga session, as I settle into the peaceful ease of resting my body in savasana or corpse pose, I can feel tears of relief welling up into my eyes. My 60 minutes on the mat has brought me into a state of rebalancing and I feel ready to take the benefits with me out into the larger world beyond the studio.
Mat with a view Photo by Sandra Butel
Call a Friend
The next step In my process of rebalancing is to reach out to my dear partner and best friend, Francis with a text that says “I could use a pep talk”. My screen soon lights up and we talk for quite some time. He eases me back into a place of gratitude for the many blessings we have in our lives. He reminds me of the things he is grateful for and encourages me to come up with my own. He reassures me that I will not feel like this forever and that he loves me and can’t wait to spend time with me. He also suggests that “this too shall pass”, reminding me of all the other times when I have fallen into an emotional pot hole only to rediscover the expansive beauty and wonder of the world around and within me as I again rise out of it.
Breathe
After our talk I delve into the audiobook version of Robert Wright’s “Why Buddhism is True: The Science and Philosophy of Meditation and Enlightenment”. This is a book that Francis recommended to me a while back and that has been sitting on the shelf of my Libby App for some time now. As I listen to the research and philosophical arguments that this former professor and student of Princeton University is making about the power of meditation I am reminded of the visceral experiences I have had through my own practice. Meditation is a powerful tool for balancing and rebalancing my thoughts; helping me shift away from the fear of the ‘lizard brain’ to the empathy, creativity, curiosity, innovation and value-based living of the ‘wizard brain’. By pausing each day, as many times as I can, to notice the location and movement of my breath as it moves undirected in and out of my body, again and again I find more peace, more love and more acceptance of the way things are.
Begin Again (and Again)
I hear myself reminding a client today that the past is dead and gone and the future has not happened yet; that all we really have is the present moment and that this is where we will find the essence of our true selves, stripped free of all judgment and ego and expectations. Now I need to be prepared for the recurring task of reminding myself.
May all beings be at peace with the reality of what is.
May all beings embrace the limitless wonder of who they truly are.
May all beings dedicate themselves to showing up in their daily lives to do the best that they can.
May all beings gently guide themselves to “begin again” when they fall.
I am Sandra Butel and this is my beautywalk. What’s yours?
Rebalanced Photo by Sandra Butel
Resources for Further Study and Personal Growth
If you are looking to feel truly inspired check out Maya Angelou’s 1987 performance of her poem “And Still I Rise”. Her way with words and her ability to deliver each and every syllable confirm for me her place on the podium as a gold medal writer.
If you want to learn more about Simon Biles there is a brand new Netflix series that outlines her courage and strength in rebalancing herself, called Simone Biles Rising .
My offering as Coach Sandra is to listen and be open as we co-create a space where you are seen, heard and understood. If this sounds interesting to you please do not hesitate to reach out to chat about how we might best work together on making your life a little bit more the way you want it to be. Sign up for a free beautywalk session.
My program From Worry to Worthy offers you an opportunity to move yourself from being ruled by the lizard brain to being guided by the wizard brain. Check out the full program details and book your first free session with me to get started. Friends and Family discount applied to all newsletter subscribers and your friends and family too!
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