In Memoriam
A Mother's love is like no other ... Photo by Sandra Butel
I am Sandra Butel and this is my beautywalk.
beautywalk is all about finding our way through this moment and that, savouring the daily symphony of the senses that our human lives entail.
beautywalk is:
- the first gaze upon the velvety carpets of ripe prairie grains in the place where we were born
- the soft touch of a loved one's hand
- the enfolding warmth of reunion of long lost friends
- the deep inhale of the sweet smell of a fresh baby
- the smiles and laughs and bursts of words at memories shared
- the shared remembering of how wonderful she made us feel
- the sharp intake of breath as we are hit by a sudden wave of grief
- the pain and tears and dripping noses that come with letting go
This edition of beautywalk is dedicated to my beautiful Mother, Bessie Butel. I, along with my son Nico Butel-Marchildon, have been asked to share the words that we contributed to the occasion of her memorial celebration, held on August 31st, 2024 in Southey, Saskatchewan.
Bessie Butel in all her glory Photo by Sandra Butel, edits by Francis Marchildon
Eulogy - Elizabeth Winnifred (Bessie Butel)
born August 27th, 1934 deceased January 8th, 2024.
Southey, Saskatchewan, August 31st, 2024
I am Sandra Butel and I am the youngest daughter of Bessie and Joe Butel and sister to Broderick, Steven and Lisa. It is my great honour to stand before you today as we pause together to create a sacred time and space in which to celebrate the life, and grieve the loss, of a wonderfully beautiful human being, my Mom, Bessie Butel.
Elizabeth Winnifred (Bessie) Butel, who like me was the baby of the family, was born to Melzar and Katherine Demorest on August 27th,1934 in Cupar Saskatchewan, the youngest of 9 siblings who all preceded her in death. She left us all wanting more when she passed away peacefully on January 8th, 2024, only 6 months short of her 90th birthday.
TINY DROPS OF KINDNESS
Bessie Butel was like a sweet smelling rain storm in the middle of a heat wave; she showered so many tiny drops of kindness upon everyone around her. The depth and breadth of the cleansing that was felt from the downpour of love that flowed effortlessly from her heart has been evidenced in how many of us are gathered here today and in the multitude of messages my siblings and nephews and son and I have received from far and from wide. My Mom touched so many people with her teaching, with her smiles, her quick and kind wit, her hugs and her interest in people’s stories and in the comfort and learning that can be found in books.
Bessie Butel was a wife, a mother, a grandmother, a sister, a cousin, an aunt, a friend, a teacher, a helper, a red hatter, a singer, a baseball and badminton player, a dancer, an organizer, a coach, a gardener and a volunteer who was generous with her time, energy and money. She taught me and so many others the true power and joy of being truly in service to the needs and dreams of others.
She was the kind of Mom that showed up for all of our sports games and music presentations and theatre productions, eyes brimming with love and pride in our achievements. She was always there when her family needed her and I can clearly remember the soft touch of her hand as she rubbed the top of my head and the soft tone of her voice as she told me to think of 5 things I was grateful for when as a young child I had trouble sleeping.
Bessie Butel took great delight in her role as Grandmother to Tyler, Matthew, Jordan and Nico. I have clear memories of her showering my son and the other grandsons with love through games and giggles and bedtime stories. There is a recent photo of her that clearly shows just how much she was filled with absolute delight at her newest role as Great Grandmother to Tyler’s son, Shepherd.
FOOD AS LOVE
She invited so many to share in her delicious food that she cooked with care, either on her own, or with her group of church ladies that helped to raise money to support this very church where we are gathered today. To say my Mom was a good cook is a serious understatement. She was a master in the kitchen, the kind of creator who was fully dedicated to outdoing herself each and every time her guests sat down to eat.
For her, food was love.
The first time my partner Francis came to eat dinner with my family, he exclaimed at the 13 or so dishes that were set down steaming hot or out of their cooling spot in the fridge, and asked “Do you eat like this all the time?”. The response, tossed off with no shortage of nonchalance, was “Basically, yes we do.”
There was always a main and several sides and no meal passed without some form of sweet surrender that could range from a selection of thawed dainties accompanied by vanilla ice cream and homemade raspberry puree or if we were especially lucky that day, a freshly baked apple or rhubarb pie. Some of the desserts had their own narratives to go along with them like the chocolate cake with ice cream and chocolate sauce that came with the story of a King who gifted his daughter’s hand in marriage to the clever peasant who gave him the most magically delicious form of “something that is as hot as summer and as cold as winter”.
SILVER LININGS
Later in her life when she was no longer physically able to continue to feed us all with food, she continued to fill us up with the pure energy of her caring and her cheery disposition. She was quick to see the beauty in the world around her and she often exclaimed at it with expressions of gratitude and joy for the wonder of it all. She was a silver linings kind of person and was often looking for the gift in everyday happenings, somehow able to see the positive even when times were tough.
KEEP IN TOUCH
Her last words to me were, “Keep in touch.” These were the words she would say at the end of each of our phone calls and text messages as I was away taking in the wonder of the wide world outside of Saskatchewan. These were the words that held me and hugged me even while they were generously letting me go.
I intend to do just that; keeping the beauty of her spirit near to my heart and allowing her essence to flow through me to add one more drop of kindness and love to all those I come in contact with. I will focus my attention and my intention on seeing the gift and the beauty in the sights and experiences and people that cross my path day by day. This will be my way of keeping in touch with her spirit and carrying her memory with me wherever my life’s path may take me.
May we all carry Bessie away with us in our hearts and find a way to have her spirit continue to “Keep in Touch” through little gestures of welcome and kindness and the sharing of yummy food and a quick laugh or a sweet little story. May we all find the kind of peace that Mom found as she turned towards her death and her maker with open arms, an open heart and with so much joy at the life she had been blessed to have lived, with each one of you having had a special part to play in the story of her beautiful life.
Let the skunking begin! ... Photo by Sandra Butel
LAST SOUL’S JOURNEY
Today we are here to not only celebrate her life but also to wish her safe passage on her final voyage. She has embarked on her last soul’s journey to what comes after her life in her ever-aging and increasingly pain-filled body.
In my mind's eye I can see her in her row boat, an angel at the helm, guiding her towards her celestial paradise. Her head is held high and, as she breathes in the scent of sea and flowers, her pure white hair is being lifted by the breeze. Her face is unlined and her posture is strong and upright as the boat draws into the shore where the welcoming committee awaits her - all excited and waving to her are my Dad, my brother Broderick and all of her brothers and sisters and friends and there in a bundle tightly wrapped like a burrito is her long lost daughter Lois. The islanders have planned a massive feast for her arrival and there are a lot of teary hugs and laughs and exclamations of joy at having found one another again.
Safe journey Mom. Keep in Touch. Your spirit rests with us always.
Me and my son Nico ... Photo by Francis Marchildon
Tribute to Grandma Bessie by Nico Butel-Marchildon
Howdy and thank you all for being here to celebrate the wonderful life of my grandma Bess.
Dear Bessie, I love you so.
For me my Grandma Bessie Butel was:
Love and care.
*Wrapping me in a warm towel after a bath, then tucking me in. Reading me bedtime stories.
*Giving me stickers so I would sit still in church.
*Helping her in the garden, digging holes, planting seeds and snacking on vegetables along the way.
*Going to pick crocuses with Grandpa and holding her hand.
*Her hugs, her smile, her little giggles and her bursts of laughter when she really found something funny.
*Playing crokinole, rummy, and solitaire. She lit up when I agreed to play cribbage with her. She would always help me count my points, when we both knew she could’ve skunked me every single time. I recall having a lucky game once and ended up winning against her (I still think she let me win).
Joe and Bess on their last day at 15 Roderick Ave in Southey, SK. Photo by Sandra Butel
Such a kind and playful soul.
She was the Bess chef:
Cheese whiz macaroni with a ton of black pepper, homemade perogies, borscht with sour cream, baked potatoes, cabbage rolls, poppy seed buns, peanut butter marshmallows squares, and so much more. Everything she ever cooked us was always so yummy and made with such love and care.
Love and care.
I remember her often gifting me the leftover change she had collected since the last time I saw her. She would take it out of her little pouch, and then send me home with it in a mini Tupperware, it was such a sweet gesture.
Love and care.
I remember very vividly the last time I spoke to her, it was over the phone while me and my parents had made it to the philippines. We received the news of her being back in the hospital, and my mom had the quick intuition to try and get a hold of her, and as if by fate, she answered. All three of us got to speak with her, one last time.
Love and care.
She told me she loved me very much and was so proud of who I had become, she told us she was at peace and urged us not to halt our lives. She said to keep going and not worry about her, as she often did, as to not be a bother. She told me to keep doing my thing, to work hard and enjoy my life.
After the call we all had a good cry and then dedicated our day to her. She passed away later that night. I felt so sad and heavy hearted, I was in shock.
Yet, I also felt a profound sense of relief and gratitude, knowing she would rest in peace, that she was pain free, was going to be okay and so were we.
I left for my return flight shortly after.
I often think back on the beautiful memories we shared together, and when I do I get this warm feeling of pure energy.
As if she was wrapping me up in a towel and tucking me in all over again.
Love and care.
Take care Grandma.
Nico Butel-Marchildon
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I am Sandra Butel and this is my beautywalk. What’s yours?
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