There’s No Place Like Home (reposted from April 1, 2024)
For Good Health & Good Luck in Santa Fe Photo by Sandra Butel
I am Sandra Butel and this is my beautywalk.
beautywalk is the simple, but not easy, process of continuing to move outside of my comfort zones to find new ways to walk in beauty. It is all about finding ways to strengthen my courage and empathy and openness and resilience and curiosity as I place one foot in front of the other day after day after day.
Author’s note: With all the busyness of packing and sorting and getting rid of years and years of accumulated things and beliefs and responsibilities and burdens I have decided to reuse a previous blog for today’s beautywalk post. I hope you enjoy it!
Moving On
I am mentally preparing myself for a day of cleaning and packing with Francis and for the shift that will happen as I leave another house sit, another city, another place I have come to call home. My heart fills with a yearning brought on by nostalgic thoughts of how my love has grown for my latest animal friend and there is a bittersweet taste in my mouth as I, yet again, prepare to move on.
Defining Home - Then and Now
I ponder questions about home and how the definition of home has shifted for me since my terrible trouble with the Regina Folk Festival (RFF) first started in the fall of 2018.
Home morphed from a place where I was known and respected and where I put my efforts into building an organization, team of staff and volunteers and myself as its leader to a place where I hid out within the walls of my 1940s bungalow in the Cathedral area of Regina. Home became a rather small and confined space for many of us during the confusion and fear brought on by Covid 19. Added to that was the sense of loss of identity I grappled with as my reputation and my place in the community were put into question by unfair and unfounded allegations that demonized me and limited my ability to still be a part of the place I had called home for over 25 years.
I hibernated for many months in my cozy king-sized bed, evidence of the hours spent still stained into the cream coloured quilted headboard on which my head rested. This became the safe space where I spent my days typing and reading and zooming in efforts to find clarity and resolution and healing and a way of letting go and moving on.
Jump forward to the last few years of my beautywalk life, and the concept of home has become a series of temporary and ever changing roofs over my head.
Shine a Light Photo by Sandra Butel
Teacher Teach Me
I finished a yoga session at Thrive Studio in Santa Fe, and felt a real connection to the teacher. As I put my socks on after an especially sweaty Warm Embody Flow class, I commented on the resonance of the metaphors she shared with us between breaths. I exclaimed that the words she had used to speak about darkness and light were so compelling to me that they were likely going to find their way into a chapter of the book I am writing. I asked her if she was a writer and it turns out that she has been working on a book but has not had the courage yet to pitch it to a publisher. I marveled to myself how I keep finding these people on the same path as me and how much I connect with the energy of those who are in the teacher role. I know that I am ready for that role of teacher and of coach as a way to use what I have learned to bring forward the light myself and my fellow humans.
Home is an Inside Job
As we excitedly shared our inner thinking about home she threw in an offhand quote from “The Wiz”, the African-American musical fantasy adaptation of 1900 children’s novel “The Wonderful Wizard of Oz”, the full version of which is included below:
Glinda the Good: Hello, Dorothy.
Dorothy: Please, is there a way for me to get back home?
Glinda the Good: Well, Dorothy, you were wise and good enough to help your friends to come here and find what was inside them all the time. That's true for you, also.
Dorothy: Home? Inside of me? I don't understand.
Glinda the Good: Home is a place we all must find, child. It's not just a place where you eat or sleep. Home is knowing. Knowing your mind, knowing your heart, knowing your courage. If we know ourselves, we're always home, anywhere.
[singing]
Glinda the Good: If you believe, Within your heart, You'll know, That no one can change, The path that you must go...
This resonated with me - the idea that home was inside of us and that it is a place we must find. This place we call home is all about knowing ourselves; our minds, hearts and courage. My beautywalk has been all about finding home and as I go deeper and deeper into the knowing of myself I have discovered an ease and an ability to feel at home wherever I may be. I find myself able to walk into rooms full of strangers and no longer hesitate to call out a greeting or to find a way to connect to them through my words and my energy. Home comes with me wherever I go. And as the saying goes; home is where the heart is. In this powerful time of transition, my heart has become a place of such love, empathy and joy for who I am and by extension for the beautiful humanness of everyone that I meet.
Mi Casa es Tu Casa (My Home is Your Home too)
The other truth that is shared with such glee in the singsongy quote above is that there is a link between finding that sense of home inside and sharing that discovery with others. Like Dorothy we also have the opportunity to use our wisdom and goodness to help others come to know themselves in a way that fills them with a sense of having come home. Coaching and writing are all about sharing what I have learned as I made my way from the place of total destruction of my past life into a new place of acceptance and love and connection. My sense of purpose is tied to using the pain and loss and grief of my transformation to bear witness to the pain and struggles of others. I am ready to sit peacefully and attentively with others as they discover their own true selves and make their way from where they are now to where they truly want to be.
Adobe Sweet Adobe Photo by Sandra Butel
Leaving Home is How We Grow
I told my latest teacher friend about the new type of life I was leading and about taking my sense of home with me wherever I went. I also talked about the process of transitioning from one place to the next and building upon my past successes and having faith that the initial confusion and disorientation would again transform into a sense of comfort and ease. That being there with the discomfort, much like she instructed us to do upon our mats, was the purpose of the exercise, rather than trying to get to a place where we never felt that discomfort again.
She jumped in with shiny eyes sparkling to say that this was the way of growth. That we could not grow if we did not keep pushing ourselves out into the world. She went on to say that our lives were all about leaving our original home and making our way out into the unknown; facing the danger as a way of obtaining what we need in order to grow into the highest form of ourselves. It took me a moment to realize she was talking about birth. In order to be born we have had to leave the only home we have ever known. We have had to put aside our fears to venture out into the world with its limitless options. We have taken step after step away from the safety of our mother’s womb as we venture through childhood, towards adolescence, adulthood, aging and ultimately death.
Life is a constant processof finding
and leaving
and finding home again.
Sandra Butel
Comic Relief Photo by Sandra Butel
Making Connections and Moving Forward
Energy was singing from my heart and my head and the efforts we had made together in the studio had my body, mind and heart ready for whatever came next. Our parking lot connection held promise for future conversations and learning and sharing and she asked me to leave my email address at the front desk so we could continue connecting with one another. As an aside she said, “you must be a writer as well” and I was delighted to share that I was working on a memoir about how a series of devastating losses had led me to find my true calling and my true self. I went back into the studio to leave my name, website address and email and I made my way to the grocery store with ideas of future barter deals that could be made with this new connection. She could share her yogic knowledge with me through online guided sessions while I coached her through the process of removing the obstacles that was keeping the wisdom and light of her book from shining light on others who were struggling in the darkness to find their own ways home.
Connections Photo by Sandra Butel
Locking Eyes and Hearts
As I make my way on the beautywalk that I have come to call home, I find myself often having these types of encounters. I meet people with whom I connect deeply within the first few moments of us locking eyes and hearts. I have gathered many new contacts into my database that represent potential paths upon which my future beautywalk might focus. Will they become clients, friends, future home owners that invite me to care for their home and pets? Or will they fade into the background, having served the purpose of inspiring me to keep moving forward on the path that I have chosen for myself?
As I type the last few characters of this latest blog I am filled with a sense of hope for what will come next. I feel at ease and at home in myself and I am certain, at this moment, that so much more wonder and beauty will rise up to greet me as I take one step at a time into my future.
I am Sandra Butel and this is my beautywalk. What’s yours?
Home = Heart Photo by Sandra Butel
Resources for Further Study and Personal Growth
If you are interested in delving into a co-created process of getting to know your mind, your heart and your courage and finding your true home do not hesitate to reach out to me for a free coaching session. I assure you that developing a relationship with the right coach is a great support in your path towards a limitless life. If we are not the right fit for one another I will do my utmost to point you towards someone who is.
My new program From Worry to Worthy offers you an opportunity to investigate your own internal experience of the negative voice inside your head and help you to find ways to connect to the deeper truths of your own heart. Check out the full program details and book your first free session with me to get started. Friends and Family discount applied to all newsletter subscribers and your friends and family too!
If you are interested in signing up for TrustedHouseSitters you can get a 25% discount (as well as pass on 2 free months of membership to me in the process).
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