Same Same (not so different)
All Aboard … Photo by FRANCIS MARCHILDON
I am Sandra Butel and this is my beautywalk.
beautywalk is my step by step discovery of the inherent beauty of both the external and internal spaces that make up my experience of life. As I move throughout time and space I am able to learn more and more both about my own internal beauty and about the beauty of the world (and the humans) around me. My intention is to use my writing and photography to share the insights and aha moments that have come to me on my travels so that they might bring hope and encouragement to you as you make your way through your own beautywalk of life.
Letting my Fingers do the Talking
I let my fingers do the walking and talking this morning - trusting that they will know where to take me if I just let go of the control of what ends up upon the page. I look away from the screen, so as to distract my brain from trying to have its way with the precise order in which left and right and pointer and pinky move upon the keys of my trusty laptop. I look around me at the airport terminal where my partner Francis and I are awaiting our flight to Da Nang. It takes some doing but my intuition starts to take over and my sense memory of high school typing class creates of flow that soon has the words appearing upon the backlit screen.
Warm hearted Tien … Photo by Sandra Butel
Reunification Express
We have been in Vietnam less than 48 hours and we have already experienced a whirlwind of newness, including an 8 hour journey on the Reunification Express train from Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon) to Nha Trang.
This train, which has had a significant role to play in over 120 years of Vietnamese history, was certainly not what I pictured when I heard the term ‘express’ train. It was old and slow and a bit rickety. I did however feel totally at ease and extremely grateful for the full cultural immersion we got as the only non-Asian people on the 3/4 full train.
Do you Need any Help?
Within a few minutes of being seated on the train we were greeted by the smiley face and warm heart of Tien (pronounced Teen), whose first question was “Do you need help?”. As the journey progressed, Tien’s capacity for service to others would prove to be the highlight of the train journey for not just us, but for many others seated in the second class section of this historical train. As we made our way across the miles we saw Tien get up to help others with their luggage, share an apple with a fellow passenger and generally pay attention to the needs of the other passengers seated on the train with her.
Grandmothers
Tien was accompanied by her grandmother and through carefully posed, open-ended questions by my skilled interviewer partner Francis, we learned a bit more about her grandmother and her life. We heard about how Tien’s grandmother met her husband and how it took a long time for her parents to accept him as their daughter’s husband. “They were very strict”, whispered Tien, with a little knitting of her eyebrows at the thought.
We also learned how Tien’s grandparents had 4 children, 3 daughters and 1 son. Two of the daughters were living far away - 1 in Canada, one in Texas and the third, Tien’s mother, was living in Ho Chi Minh. Grandmother had been through the Vietnam war and her husband had fought with the South and was promptly put in jail after “reunification” (The quotes were added in the air by Tien as she said the word with a touch of irony in her voice). For two years Grandmother had to raise her 4 children all on her own. Tien lowered her voice and bowed her head a bit before she looked up at us and said “My grandmother says it was a very hard time for her”.
Tien said that her grandmother was not political, and that the belief of Tien’s extended family was that you kept your head down and did your work and didn’t worry so much about the political situation around you. As I started to write this I realized that this wasn’t so different from what my family believed. I started to think about my own grandmother, my late father’s mother, and to ask myself how different her life would have been from that of Tien’s grandmother’s life?
In my family of origin there was a strong belief that there was a right way to do things and that if we found it we would be successful. There was also the idea that you didn’t rock the boat too much, and rather accepted what was offered to you as your place in life. The most important thing was that you worked hard. Like many immigrant families there was a sense passed on to my father from his parents that they were coming to a better life in Canada. It was understood that in order to deserve this new life you had to show yourself to be beyond reproach and focus your attention fully on our work and your role in the society.
I don’t know much about my grandmother’s story. I know she came from the former Czechoslovakia and that her people were Bohemian in background, but I don’t know how she made her way to Canada. I don’t know what hardships her family suffered or what was the impetus that made her leave the only world she had ever known. I don’t know anything about how she met my Grandfather or what they felt for each other when they first met.
The snippets of memory I have of her are few and far between and I do not recall ever having a conversation with her. Now that I am older and now that I have time to ponder more deeply on who I am, I have so many questions that I would love to be able to ask her now.
What were her dreams?
What did she feel about her life?
What made her laugh?
Who was this woman that shared my first initial and last name? Who was Sofia Butel?
What would have been different in my life if I could have had 8 hours on a train journey with her through her homeland to ask her questions about what life was like when she was growing up?
Me on my born day with my lovely Mom photo by Joe Butel
Same Same
As Francis was asking the questions about Tien’s Grandmother, my subconscious must have been busy wondering about my own. As I sat down to write this blog and set out to let my intuition paint its own picture my favourite SE Asian slogan “Same Same” popped into my head. I have heard this pronounced a multitude of times in markets and have seen it on t-shirts in some of the tourist shops we have visited along the way. For me it is a symbol of an intangible understanding of the world that keeps growing in strength and clarity inside of me. This is becoming a new way of knowing for me and I am getting a sense of a deeper understanding about the true nature of the world and of the role of us human beings on it.
The more I encounter the newness of language and culture and food and sights and sounds of the countries I am visiting the more I realize how essentially we are all the same. The more I am faced with things that my brain is unfamiliar with, and the more I am able to let go of the human brain’s tendency to categorize everything according to what has come before, the more I am able to actually be with the experience at hand. When my brain can’t make sense of something, either due to its newness or the sheer volume of information that is rushing in to be processed, I have found a real freedom in letting go of the rational and settling into a deeper way of knowing. For me this is all about feeling into the sensations of my body and my heart and I intuitively read into and reflect the body language of those around me.
Boiled peanuts by FRANCIS MARCHILDON
Wired for Connection
Our dear new friend Tien helped me on this journey by sharing the warmth of her smile and the tangible generosity of her heart. She offered up information about the countryside, the people around us, the food being served (she was on the lookout for my pork allergen for me) as well as sharing recommendations with us for the places we should go to visit while in Vietnam. She was generous with the foods she and her grandmother had packed for their voyage and offered us our first taste experience of boiled peanuts in the shell, two kinds of Vietnamese apples and the sweetest mandarin orange either of us had ever tasted. Her warmth and bright smile and her obvious interest in Francis and myself made the hours pass by very quickly and pleasantly.
This young woman who came from a totally different part of the world reminded me of my own desire to be of service to others and to add my own bit of sunshine to everyone I meet on my beautywalk. She reminded me that as human beings we are all not only wired for, but also delightfully capable of, deep human connection with one another.
This is Sandra Butel and this is my beautywalk. What is yours?
What are you willing to do today to create new connections with the world (and people) around you?
In what ways are you the “same same” as the complete strangers you come in contact with on your own beautywalk?
Me and my brothers and sister by Joe Butel
A Note from Coach Sandra
If you feel ready to venture (a few steps at a time) on your own beautywalk, establishing a relationship with a coach is a great way to get started. All of the coaches I know offer the first session for free - to give you an idea of what coaching is and what it can do for you. Most importantly this initial session lets both you and the coach see if you are a good fit for one another.
If you want to get yourself into my calendar for a free beautywalk session I would be delighted to meet with you to give you more information. If either of us decides we are not the right fit for one another, I will be happy to suggest other coaches that may be a better fit for you and your areas of interest.
Resources for Further Study and Personal Growth
For more on the history of The Reunification Express and the part it played in Vietnamese history.
My new program From Worry to Worthy offers you an opportunity to investigate your own spiritual path and find ways to live truly into the beauty of your own heart. Check out the full program details and book your first free session with me to get started. Friends and Family discount applied to all newsletter subscribers and your friends and family too!
If you are interested in signing up for TrustedHouseSitters you can get a 25% discount (as well as pass on 2 free months of membership to me in the process).
I am Sandra Butel and this is my beautywalk. What’s yours?
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