Taking back my time by putting my phone down
Ready, aim, get FIRED up. Photo by Sandra Butel
I am Sandra Butel and this is my beautywalk.
beautywalk is the name I have chosen for this period in the 2nd half of my life where my focus is on significant personal transformation as I wander near and far and inside and outside of my comfort zones.
Setting the Stage
I want to start off this piece by giving you some insight into my relationship with my phone by taking you back to where it all began.
I was a late adopter of the smartphone and would only have a phone on festival weekend as part of my job as Artistic Director and CEO of the Regina Folk Festival. I would rely on members of my team to answer important texts as I didn’t know how to use it. I was resistant to taking up this device and had a feeling that this new invention was going to end up being somehow bad for me and for all of us as a society. That was the sociologist in me that would ask people who had them if any studies had been done on what the impact of their use was on human kind.
I saw it becoming something that distracted people from really being present when they had it with them when we were out for a meal or simply going for a walk in the park. I was turned off by how people’s attention was being pulled towards that mighty little device that they never let out of their hands. I was that person who, for quite a few years longer than most, was phoneless. That person who would still hold people to their commitments, so they couldn’t pull a last minute change of plans when the whim struck them. They had to imagine me waiting for them with no way of knowing that they were late or weren’t coming and it forced them to show up on time.
Then, slowly I started getting hooked on the benefits of this new technology, especially while traveling. I still didn’t have a phone, but I started becoming dependent on other people’s phones. I’d get my friend Kerry to make all the plans and then fill me in on the details. At one point she called me on it and this was a revelation. A little like a willing second hand smoker, I was inhaling pretty deeply on the benefits of her phone.
If the shoe fits … Photo by Sandra Butel
The Love Affair Begins
So let’s talk about the benefits I have found of my handy dandy smartphone. Well, the first call I made when I took the plunge and got myself a cell phone for work was to 911 when Francis and Nico and I were on our way back from a hockey game on the other side of the Qu’appelle Valley. We hit a deer, or was it the other around? Anyways, this big buck smashed the windshield, (which miraculously held together even as it shattered into a million tiny pieces) struck the driver side door and disappeared. Like totally into thin air like he had never been there! And yet to this day, both Francis and I have a clear memory of that quintessential deer-in-the-headlights look in its eyes at the moment of impact. I knew this route from my home town of Southey to the city of Regina like the back of my hand. I’d driven it a thousand times. I knew there was a big drop off the road to the valley below. Let’s just say I felt lucky no one was hurt. I also felt lucky that this was the day that I had secured my very first cell phone and that I could call 911 to contact the police and tow truck. My next call was to my parents to let them know we had been in an accident. I remember clearly the drive to Regina in the back seat of the police truck and the lovely police officer that came to bring us all in our various degrees of shakiness back into the city to the safety of our home.
Fast forward a few years when I was going through a rather rough patch with my mental health. The combo of some pretty intense emotional and physical symptoms of perimenopause, and my nervous system being way too overburdened with stress, led to what I affectionately came to call (after it passed, of course) my Breakdown/Breakthrough. Let’s just say this was a very painful and dark time of my life and each moment felt like an eternity as I waited (not patiently) for the anti-anxiety medication I had been urged to take by my naturopath to do its work. This is when the phone again became a tool that was useful to me. I was literally waiting for time to pass until the medication would take effect. During this time, my son, Nico, showed me a colouring game that he thought I might like. It was a very simple game and one that you could fill in a square at a time with a specific colour or you could do a whole bunch if you double clicked. Looking back now I honestly believe that my ability to lose myself in this game while I waited for the medication to do its magic was an essential part of me being able to survive the devastating mental state I was in at the time.
So the phone has come in handy and indeed has been there to save me in an emergency situation several times. I see the handiness of it and I also see how many functions it has come to fill in my life. I find it very useful for my nomadic lifestyle; not only for travel plans and tickets, but also for keeping in touch with those I love who are not with me at that moment in time. It has also been an essential tool in building my coaching practice and in my learning through Positive Intelligence and their app based program. I got many hours of benefit out of both the Headspace and Calm apps and the voices of Andy and Jeff have travelled many miles with me reminding me to be in the present moment.
A sprinkle
of this, a little of that and we can find a magical life, waiting for us where we least expect it.
Finding ME - The Peaceful Part
Lately, as those of you know that have been following my blog from the beginning, I have been doing a lot of reflecting and learning around the type of life I want to lead and the type of service I want to offer. I have noticed that a lot of this process of reclaiming myself and finding that deep love for me has had to do with letting go of stuff and habits and people and beliefs that were no longer serving me (and maybe that never were serving me). I let go of my focus on “people pleasing” and perfectionism and following the rules set out for me of what it meant to be a successful woman in our society. I let go of a whole industry and my heralded place within it as one of the gatekeepers for what got presented on festival and concert stages in Regina. I let go of my identity as Boss Lady and over 25 years of connections and experience in that industry.
I have made peace with all of that letting go and am feeling much lighter and more flexible and open and much more full of joy as a result. As I keep moving forward on my beautywalk, I delve ever deeper into what else I could let go of. I delved into slow travel and into meditation and yoga and long walks and have been thinking about getting rid of most of my worldly possessions.
Here I am … photo by Sandra Butel
And Yet …
And yet, I noticed that I was having a difficult time during my transition from one housesit to the next and was spending way too many hours on my phone and/or my laptop.
I have read a lot and watched some movies about the evils of our screens and am well versed in how our eyes are being commodified by the social media companies and how addictive my phone and my laptop are designed to be. I have made various half-hearted attempts to create some habits that will allow me to leave my phone more than an arm's length away from me for even part of the day. I have disabled notifications and for the most part, have turned the sound off on my phone. I even started putting a limit on the amount of time I can spend on social media and set up a reminder to pop up when my time was up. This didn’t work that well when I was in my tired time as I just overrode it over and over again for 15 minutes at a time!
Time to wake up … by Sandra Butel
The Pulling Away Begins
At my last housesit I was moved to start leaving my phone and laptop downstairs overnight while I went upstairs to bed. Partly this came from laziness of having to carry the unwieldy charge cord with its adapter and the two chords coming out of it and partly this came from a desire to go back to simpler things. I had picked up a book from the shelves of books in the house and wanted to see how reading a book and leaving my phone and laptop downstairs would impact my rest and how much sleep I ended up getting.
I admit that the first night I was fidgety in my bed as I imagined what kind of messages would be coming in downstairs on my phone. I was also perplexed about how I was going to wake up in the morning without using my phone alarm, but with the time difference between the UK and Canada I didn’t really have to worry about getting up too early for any kind of work or friend commitment. I did, with time, find this quite the welcome new habit, creating some space between me and the distraction of my phone and allowing for some time to read and to notice when I was sleepy and ready to turn out the lights and go to bed.
When I arrived in France for my latest housesit I visited a second hand store and was inspired by a small wind up alarm clock that they had for sale. I figured it was small enough to carry with me on my travels and would replace one of the other functions that my phone has served for me.
How to Break Up with your Phone
Today I started reading a book that has been in my phone library for the last 20 days. It is called How to Break Up with Your Phone. It is ironic to read such a book on my phone but this itself is another useful way my phone has served me, by allowing me to read without having to carry heavy books around on my travels. Through my library app I have had access to most of the books that people suggest to me and I have been able to keep learning and growing without having to depend on buying books or finding used ones that fill my immediate areas of interest. This particular book’s presence in my inbox and the actions I have been taking, without even reading it, is just another example of how the Universe provides what we need when we need it. The title alone was inspiration enough for me to get started on this voyage.
Then I opened the book and started reading. It is a very well written and insightful book that is broken up into 2 parts. The Wake-UP which gives us the scary facts about what these devices are doing to our brains and our mental health and how they are impacting our quality of life. The Break-UP which is a 30 day plan that outlines the process of breaking up with your phone and developing a healthier, more productive way of using it instead of letting it use you.
Time for a change by Sandra Butel
CALL TO ACTION
I will be experimenting with this 30 day process and will be keeping track of my progress and reflections. I will be sharing updates on my social media feeds to see if this is a useful way to use my screens. I will also be posting about my findings throughout the 30 days in my future blogs. If you are inspired to join me on this challenge, reach out to me on Instagram, Facebook or LinkedIn (links below) to let me know.
I am excited for the opportunity to exchange ideas, receive encouragement, and have the support to stay accountable to this challenge.
Resources for Further Study and Personal Growth
More information on the work of Catherine Price who wrote How to Break Up with Your Phone
My new program From Worry to Worthy offers up an opportunity to remove the barriers to the life you have always wanted. Check out the full program details and book your first free session with me to get started.
If you are interested in signing up for TrustedHouseSitters you can get a 25% discount (as well as pass on 2 free months of membership to me in the process).
I am Sandra Butel and this is my beautywalk. What’s yours?
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