The first step…by Sandra Butel
I am Sandra Butel and this is my beautywalk.
beautywalk is my hero’s journey into my inner and outer world.
On these pages I will focus on the practices and adventures that are leading me to a healthier mind, body and spirit. In the words and images that I share, I will be mapping out the steps of my journey and reflecting on what I see, hear, smell, taste and sense as I move, both literally and figuratively, throughout the world.
I have recently come to see the hidden connection amongst all of the seemingly random experiences and lessons that have happened for me, or to me, in my 54 years on planet earth. These include such sociologically significant things as my growing up white and cis female and middle class in Anglo North American society to parents whose ancestors came to Canada from France, Poland, Ukraine and Czechoslovakia. They include growing up in a small town in Saskatchewan and having my Mom as a teacher in primary school as well as my Dad as my high school principal. They include being the youngest of 4 kids; the oldest of which died much too young. Other significant markers in my life included studying sociology in the hopes of making significant changes to the world by understanding how each of us is limited by such attributes as our gender, race, age, sexual orientation and economic class.
I soon gave up my dream of either being a lawyer or a university professor in favour of moving into concrete social action in the non-profit sector. I was drawn to the celebration, diversity and hopefulness of the world of cultural events production. For over 20 years I immersed myself in the music and festival industry in Canada. With the help of so many wonderful artists and festival colleagues and partners, I was able to develop many new strengths as a leader in this high-pressure, socially focused environment. Another significant event in my life was becoming a mother to a now adult son. I certainly have learned and grown so much in my life so far and I am grateful to be able to bring all of my experiences to bear in my newest endeavour as an Executive Coach.
It was with a sense of breathless awe that I found myself in my coaching classes at Royal Roads University where each new topic was related to something that I had already touched on in my earlier years. I felt as if the matrix was being revealed to me. I could finally see so clearly that not a single one of the events of my life had been wasted. All of the significant events of my life had come together to bring me to my true calling in life; that of a coach, working with women in mid-life who can see themselves in my story.
My hope is that through this blog I can offer up a sprinkling of kindness and empathy and non-judgment to myself and to other human beings who, like me, are grappling with both the dark and the light of their lives. My intention is to use my words to create space for facing our fears and going deeper into the wholeness and wonderfulness of who we all are.
As I sit propped up in bed in my latest borrowed housesit property, I am struck with a feeling of fear at what I am about to do. Am I really about to venture out into the world again with my ideas and my story and myself? The vulnerability I feel is palpable as I prepare to put myself out there after almost 3 full years of gathering strength, healing, learning and growing.
My fear tells me to stop what I am doing right now and nestle back under the covers and just let the world take care of itself. My fear says that loving myself is too important and that any energy I take away from that pursuit is lost energy; is ego calling for recognition; is faulty Pollyanna magical thinking.
I take a deep breath as my gaze falls upon the sunshine that is warming the moss growing on the roof of the 300 year old house across the way, I listen to the deep purring of the full-sized cat beside me, and I remember who I am. I remember my essence and the love that burns so brightly inside of me. I remember my life purpose and my desire to share my learnings with others, in the hopes that my story might shine some light into the darkness that makes up such a big part of what we all experience as human beings.
I believe that the work of putting my struggles and victories and the resultant shift in my mindset into words and sharing it with others is an important step on my personal journey into the awesomeness of who I am. I am deeply grateful for all that I have experienced so far in my life and for the guidance I have received from others who, by putting aside the vulnerability they felt, and so bravely sharing the pain and beauty of their own stories, have contributed greatly to my ability to dive into my own truth.
I am grateful for the time and space and resources I have been privileged to have that have freed me up to do this work. I intend, through my daily practices, to consciously put aside fear in favour of delving deeply into empathy and love, both for myself and for others. By sharing the gift of my story, may others find hope on their own paths to love, joy, growth and learning.
I am Sandra Butel and this is my beautywalk story. What’s yours?
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