Why not ask for more?

Sandra Butel beautywalk coaching Montreal Leonard Cohen Positive Intelligence Martha Beck Way of Integrity Empathy — *Barefoot and peaceful …* Photo by Sandra Butel

I am Sandra Butel and this is my beautywalk.

beautywalk is my journey towards finding the courage and compassion to embrace and accept all the many parts of who I truly am as I move myself from where I am to where I want to be.

Bird on the wire

I saw a beggar leaning on his wooden crutch. He said to me, “You must not ask for so much.” And a pretty woman leaning in her darkened door. She cried to me, “Hey, why not ask for more?”
Oh, like a bird on the wire.
Like a drunk in a midnight choir
I have tried in my way to be free.
Leonard Cohen

Greatest Hits

Oh Leonard, how fitting that it is with you that I spend my last hours in my latest temporary home of Montreal, the smooth black surface of your greatest hits turning round and round on the record player that I have decided to take for a first and last spin before I pack up my belongings and move on to what’s next.

Where’s your ball?

Wolfie, my current charge, is having a ball quite literally with the orange and blue sphere that he is licking and chewing and tightly grasping as I call out, “Where’s your ball? Where’s your ball Wolfie?” It is all he really needs from me to get himself into quite a tizzy of jumping and play growling, his little tail erect at attention, such electricity coursing through his compact little body. I had the flash that this is all we are really here to do on our own particular rotation around and around the sun, however many years it may be that we are given, to be there to call out to whomever might need to hear it, “Where’s your ball? Where’s your ball?”

This is what I am attempting to do in my coaching practice. To be there with others, side by side, even if in reality we are face to face across glass and steel and invisible waves, as they step forward into that place of hope; as they let themselves imagine what might be possible, if only they are able to let themselves believe. To call out from time to time with words of encouragement, “Where’s your goal? Where’s your soul?”

Goosebumps

I sit with them, I listen, I shake my head up and down and side to side as I vocalize my empathy, my curiosity and, from time to time, my sheer delight, in whatever it is that is preoccupying their beautiful human hearts and minds. There are times when I am sitting there, propped up in my latest borrowed bed, my laptop softly balanced on the white or blue or grey of the current comforter cover, offering up an open space and with a sudden flush the goosebumps run from the top of my head all the way down to the tips of my toes. I feel the tingles first in my legs and often I am inspired to say out loud, to whomever happens to be revealing themselves to them and to me, “Oh, I just got goosebumps again. That is always a good sign. Tell me what is happening in your body right now as you let what you just said settle in.”

This cool flush of energy flows through my body, ending up in a pause of peaceful calm as it reaches my heart centre. It is a sign for me that we have, in our work together, touched on a deep truth about our common humanity. It might be the first time a client has reflected on their own needs, having spent their whole lives focused on getting outside approval by taking care of everyone else around them, that selfless mindset that plagues so many women of my generation. It might be the moment when they realize that they are ready to take the steps they need to extricate themselves from a situation that is no longer serving them. It can simply be them admitting what has been holding them back from giving into the pure joy of a dog with a ball that we all hold within.

B-Side

Second side, second time around, I lean into the pure joy of taking the time to listen as Leonard croons, “It’s four in the morning, the end of December, I’m writing you now just to see if you’re better.” The ache in his voice fills up my chest with a blue tinged quiet, as I recall all those people I have loved and lost in my lifetime, including the talents of Leonard himself. Being in Montreal and coming across the larger than life purple and green and grey tribute to Cohen looking down over St. Laurent Boulevard it is evident that I have entered his home turf.

He calls to me from the street corners, urging me to step into my own grandness, not by putting my image on two different buildings, but by moving beyond the everyday life that feels safe and familiar and stepping into the potentiality of what else is out there for me. He calls to me to write my words, to share them with whoever wishes to read them and to keep doing the work of delving into the depths of what it means to be a human being. I am inspired by his words and his life to find my own humanity and share my discoveries with others to see what kind of connection that will bring.

The book I am reading

This all makes me think of the latest book I am reading. Yes, of course, this is me and yes there will always be another book that is bringing me inspiration. This time it is Martha Beck’s New York Times Bestselling “The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self” that has got me zinging. There is a section in there about soul teachers and how they seem to show up in our lives when we, as the students of our own unique lives, are most ready. I glance towards the record player across the room where Leonard’s world is spinning and I wonder, what is it that this particular teacher has to offer to me as I make my own steps towards finding more of me in a new setting?

The time I spend learning about my clients and myself confirms the truth of what Beck has to say about the forces that are working on us to draw us away from our true selves and towards whatever it is the larger culture around us benefits from us believing. I am reminded in my periods of dips and downs that our personal practices are not about one and done, but about starting again and again; lowering the needle down with care onto the groove from which our voices true and clear can sing.

Beck is a fellow coach and writer and public speaker who uses a whole plethora of sources as well as personal anecdotes and examples from her experience with her own clients to illuminate what she calls “the way of integrity”; the path we can all take from where we are right now to “a life filled with meaning, enchantment and fascination.” She goes on to say that “the path to true love - true anything - is the way of integrity. No other person can ever find yours for you, much less give it to you.”

It’s up to me … it’s up to you

Ah there it is anew, the concept of radical accountability; the idea that no matter what, it is up to me to make the choices that will bring me closer to where I want to be in my life. In the terminology of Positive Intelligence it is about acknowledging the negative thoughts of the judge and the saboteurs and then getting myself grounded with some PQ reps before stepping into what my sage powers have to tell me. There are so many ways of describing and naming our own deeper ways of knowing; Beck calls this our true self, while Shirzad Chamine refers to it as the sage inside each of us.

Whatever you want to call it and whatever philosophy or psychology or spiritual teaching you want to lean on as you delve into your own humanness, it is all about taking responsibility for the course of your own life. It is about seeing what is truly happening, listening deeply to what is being said within the confines of your own body, mind, heart, soul and taking action that moves you closer towards who you truly are.

The warmth of spring

The sun has come out and I wonder for a moment how long it's springtime warmth will take to melt the snow that has left the streets and sidewalks dusted with white overnight. I wonder how the car tires will sound as they slush through the cool wetness on the streets. I wonder if there will be enough snow outside for Wolfie to stick his nose into, and if it will stick there like a rented Santa Claus beard when he lifts his head and looks towards me. I wonder if he will pull me with everything he has got to wherever he decides he wants to visit next and I wonder if I will smile in recognition of how lucky I am to be able to experience whatever and wherever he will lead me. His nails click on the floor behind me and I hear a soft little whine forming. It is time to put my coat and scarf on, lace up my bright orange Hokas, put on his leash at the bottom of the stairs and follow my latest soul teacher to where the outdoor air can do a dance of joy upon my skin.

I am Sandra Butel and this is my beautywalk. What’s yours?

Resources for Further Study and Personal Growth

For more on Martha Beck’s coaching and writing work.
Leonard Cohen was a master of meter and melody. I invite you to sit in a comfortable chair and listen deeply. It may just shift your perspective.
I am here as a coach to work with you as you take the steps needed to move from where you are now to where you want to be next. Reach out for your free beautywalk session to see what one on one coaching with me is all about.
The 7 week Positive Intelligence program draws on founder Shirzad Chamine’s take on the negative thoughts in your head and has had lasting impact on myself and many of my clients. Let me know if you want to learn more.
If you are interested in signing up for TrustedHouseSitters you can get a 25% discount (as well as pass on 2 free months of membership to me in the process).

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