Painting by Numbers
Baby … Call my Number. Photo by Sandra Butel
I am Sandra Butel and this is my beautywalk.
In my beautywalk I delve into time and space. I investigate ways of being that we as humans can adopt in order to experience more joy and beauty and less stress and fear. As I wander around from place to place, season to season - whether on my own, or in the presence of other beating hearts - I note down things that resonate most deeply. My desire is to share my learnings with whomever is open to receive them as an offering of hope, light and lightness.
The Universe Knows Best
Today’s offerings come with some irony. I have been experimenting with “less is more”concepts when it comes to technology. I have reduced the number of apps on my phone, gotten rid of all notifications and have created maximum usage reminders on social media and games. I have noticed that my phone has way less draw for me to pick it up and I am happy with the new relationship I have chosen.
I am discovering that the Universe is a bit of a joker and seems to know when I can handle more. As I sat down to write this blog, I got the clear message that, when it comes to my relationship with technology, I have more work to do.
I opened the lid of my MacBook Air only to find that my trusted friend the laptop had expired in the night. The battery light showed green and even after repeated tries the laptop just wouldn’t agree to turn on and let me get to writing.
After an initial twinge of shame, that I somehow had caused this problem (including a few judgemental comments about my intelligence), I settled in to creative problem-solving. I breathed deeply and decided that this was a challenge I was going to enjoy pursuing.
For those of you who are of a similar age to me, you may remember the days when we wrote our university or high school essays on paper with a pen. I remember all the notations as I figured out, not only what part of the writing to keep, but also what order to keep it in . It was quite the process and it has been made endlessly more enjoyable through the advent of word processing technology.
Be Like Buddha … Photo by Sandra Butel
For the Love of Math
Here I am writing my first draft in blue ink in a lined journal as I relax in a cozy bungalow on the north east coast of a Thai island called Koh Pha-ngan. The last week has been filled with additions (my partner, Francis), subtractions (figuring out what time it is where friends and family are located), and divisions (figuring out how many Canadian dollars are represented by the prices on the menus, and in the guesthouses).
As the daughter of a lover of math puzzles and games, I have long believed in the power and beauty of math. I have often “done the math “to figure out what my next steps should be.
I started to see a pattern here, and I became curious about all the ways I could use mathematical terms to make more sense of our human lives. So here are my attempts to offer up a new way of adding up and balancing our lives.
For the Math of Love
1 + 1 = 2
This seems like a simple, straightforward equation with no room for error or confusion.
“Mathematics is like love; a simple idea, but it can get complicated.”
— Anonymous
As anonymous so succinctly put it above, I can attest that putting two separate entities together can create all sorts of beautiful complications. Take my current situation, where, after four months of both of us living our lives independently of one another, my life partner Francis and I have come together again. There have been so many joyful moments filled with love and patience and curiosity, and there have been other moments that don’t seem to add up.
With all the work we have both done on our selves and the increased patience, kindness, and perspective we have reached we are still faced with a new/old challenge when we come together in a joint space with one another. Each of us brings with us the whole number of expectations and influences as well as the voices of the judge, and a few of our saboteurs. Soon enough, there are no longer just two individuals interacting with one another as all sorts of outside influences have been brought along as extra weight in the metaphorical backpacks that we now had to carry with us from place to place.
So how do we get past all of this noise so we can become a truly connected 2? How do we not lose sight of the whole-hearted 1s that we are bringing into the equation?
Growing Together photo by Sandra Butel
It’s as easy as 1-2-3
* As the 1 in this 2 that I have the most familiarity with, I will speak from my own experience and point of view and let my partner tell his own story if he is so inclined.
Step 1: Name it to tame it
My first step was to realize that the frequency of negative thoughts increased as soon as I had some other human being with me in my personal space. It was humbling to hear all the blame and judgment that came bubbling up in my head. It was also a refrain that I was much too familiar with. I realized that all of the things he was doing that annoyed me were not at all about him, and that rather they were about me and about my lizard brain doing its due diligence. Naming it as judgment, or judge or controller, or victim, or people pleaser, helped me to create some space in the moment.
Step 2: Stop, drop and roll
It was then time to take a deep breath and put the fire out. I breathed in deeply and called upon my deeper wisdom to put me on the right track by letting go of the thoughts that were heating up and threatening to become a full blown fire of heat and hurt and hate
Step 3: Give the gift of presence
Again, for me, when things get stirred up, and I am tempted to drop into drama or blame or fear or shame, I want to be able to pause to focus on my moment to moment experience. By focussing on my body and having the courage to be with all the potential of the fire within, I am learning to be with the essence of what is. Just the act of bringing my attention to my body is like cool, clear water on the fiery heat of my reactive thinking.
Deep Wisdom in our Roots by Sandra Butel
Advanced Math
This part was completed for extra credit.
Step 4: Name the lesson
By naming the lesson – in this case, that everything that stirred up the heat in my chest was not about the goings-on outside of me. Rather, the reactivity I felt was due to my own sense of being out of balance. Again, I reminded myself that I am responsible for how I feel and I am responsible for doing the work to get myself back in balance.
While I have found this part to be scary at times, I have also found it quite liberating. I have come to see that by taking responsibility for myself and my feelings I get to choose how I will experience whatever life sends my way.
Mathematics is not about numbers, equations, computations, or algorithms: it is about understanding.
— William Paul Thurston, American mathematician
Step 5: Zero in on what matters
I then set out to have myself some good old-fashioned fun with my lovely beau. I reminded myself to be prepared for the next round of “It’s as easy as 1-2-3”, as it is waiting just around the corner.
When I talk about fun here I am using Catherine Price’s definition of “true fun” from her book The Power of Fun: How to Feel Alive Again, which requires playfulness, connection and flow. Price argues that in order to experience this “true fun,” we must shed our inhibitions and formal façades.
Today while we discovered how much cooler and calmer the Gulf of Thailand can become on a cloudy day just after a rain storm, my partner, Francis and I had some moments of “true fun.” We frolicked and giggled and flipped and flopped our middle-aged bodies in the blue green water as if we were little children. Our movements were flowing and graceful, and we shared our gratitude with one another as we remarked with awe and wonder at the beauty that was all around and within us.
I am Sandra Butel and this about sums it up for my beautywalk this time (pun intended).
What wonderful additions and subtractions are you ready to make in your life today ?
Open Heart Open Arms by Sandra Butel
A Note from Coach Sandra
A word here with my coach hat on. This blog is not meant to push you into doing something you are not ready to do. As I know very well from my personal work and my work with clients, the work and readiness has to come from a place deep inside of you and you have to be ready to take on the work of looking deeply inside of yourself. No one else can decide for you if you and when you are ready for this work.
If you feel ready to venture on your own beautywalk, establishing a relationship with a coach is a great way to get started. All of the coaches I know offer the first session for free - to give you an idea what coaching is and what it can do for you and to let you and the coach see if you are a good fit together. If you want to get yourself in my calendar for a free beautywalk session I would be delighted to give you more information and see if the coaching process is right for you at this time.
Resources for Further Study and Personal Growth
For more on “true fun” check out the work of Carolyn Price and her book “The Power of Fun: How to Feel Alive Again”
My new program From Worry to Worthy offers up an opportunity to add and subtract ways of thinking that will equate to the life you have always wanted. Check out the full program details and book your first free session with me to get started.
If you are interested in signing up for TrustedHouseSitters you can get a 25% discount (as well as pass on 2 free months of membership to me in the process).
KUDOS:
The whole drama of my broken laptop and trying with all my might to get this blog posted on schedule on my phone ended with the blog coming out a week late (AKA today) and my laptop being fixed by the dedicated and delightful Tang at Mac Service @ Phangan (in Thong Sala, Koh Pha-Ngan. If ever you are on this small island in Thailand and need to get your Mac fixed do look him up. He is a delight and spent many hours rebuilding my motherboard so I could get back to blogging!
I am Sandra Butel and this is my beautywalk. What’s yours?
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